Finding My Sweet Spot: Embracing My Nonbinary Identity
When I first came out as transgender, I was so set on being 100% masculine, 100% of the time. I had fought so hard to transition, to be seen as the man I knew I was, that I clung to masculinity as if letting go of even a small part of it would mean losing everything I had worked for. For years, I lived in that space. Masculine. Always. I thought I had finally found where I belonged.
But then, something shifted. A sudden discomfort settled in—not unlike the feeling I had before I transitioned. Something still wasn’t right. It didn’t feel like home. I couldn’t shake the sensation that I was forcing myself into another box, just a different one than before. I spent a long time trying to push those feelings aside, convincing myself that maybe I was just overthinking things. After all, I had already been through the process of figuring out my gender once. Was it possible that I had gotten it wrong?
It wasn’t until I started having conversations with others in the LGBTQ+ community—people who had been through similar struggles—that I realized what I was feeling wasn’t doubt. It was growth. For so long, I had believed that transitioning meant leaving everything behind—everything that had once tied me to femininity. I thought that embracing masculinity meant rejecting anything else, that if I let even a little bit of femininity or androgyny in, it would somehow invalidate my identity as a transgender person. But the truth is, gender isn’t that rigid. And once I gave myself the space to explore that idea, I realized something important: being nonbinary was where I felt most like myself.
It was the sweet spot—the perfect balance where I no longer felt restricted by labels or expectations. I still embrace masculinity, but I also allow myself the freedom to explore and express feminine and androgynous aspects of myself without fear that it makes me any less valid. For the first time in my life, it feels right. It feels like home. Coming to terms with my identity wasn’t about replacing one label with another—it was about realizing that I don’t have to fit into any label perfectly at all. Some days, I lean into masculinity. Other days, I feel comfortable expressing a softer, more fluid version of myself. And the best part? Neither of those invalidate who I am. There is no “right” way to be nonbinary. There is no checklist, no set of rules. It is simply about existing in a way that feels true to me.
If you’re questioning your identity, feeling like something is still missing, you are not alone. It is okay if your understanding of yourself evolves. It is okay if the label that once felt right no longer fits. You don’t have to be just one thing. You don’t have to be only what the world expects of you. Give yourself permission to explore, redefine, and embrace every part of who you are—even the parts that scare you. Because at the end of the day, you are the only one who gets to decide what home feels like.
And for me? This is home.
